Oil less Oat Pancake in 10 Minutes

oil less oat pancake

So, Yele made pancake but this time without oil. 'In the abroad' this is very common but 'in the Naija' if we don't heat oil we won't fry pancake o and it's understandable because let us say it outright, what makes the difference is just the type of fry pan you use.

You can fry all you fry with no oil with a non stick fry pan. This pan is a little bit costlier than the regular pans but I tell you that scrambled eggs also tastes so good with it.

Yele also used oats in place of the regular flour. That was just to remove the flawa consumption guilt, shebi we all know o. Anyway, whichever way we can substitute to make healthy meals, we should.

Margarine is also oily, the less oil comes in that we are not frying with oil using the regular frying pan.

some of the ingredients

So, to the oil less oat pancake, the ingredients are sugar, butter, milk, salt, eggs and oats. Very simple, innit?

Method :

1. Whisk butter, sugar, milk, salt together

2. Mix egg in a separate bowl

3. Add to the mixture from 1

4. Make a hollow in the middle of the bowl containing your oat. Add the mixture into the amount of oat you want to use. Make sure the texture is creamy.

5. Mix until it's fine

6. Heat your nonstick pan

7. Introduce batter

8. Flip like your pancake when you have achieved the brownness you want at the side /edges of the pancake. Flip over.

9. Oil less oat pancake is ready.

So tell us, do you like Yele's recipe and substitute? Will you try this anytime soon?


Important things to look out for before you date him



On plenty occasions, I've had to use the phrase 'Birds of the same feather' not as a compliment for a purposeful relationship but as a censure to an illicit relationship. This suggests to me that we notice when two people do not gel enough to be together.

Ade (not real name) is a commercial bike rider, he's been trailing me for months now or so I thought. It always looks as though he's keeping a close tab on me or probably has an informant who's close to me such that he knows when I'm getting dressed to step out to town, because he's always at my gate once I'm step out of the compound.

It became evident this guy likes me a lot when one day, he brought someone on his bike to my neighborhood as as soon as I flagged down another bike man, he pleaded with him to go with his passenger while he transports me to where I was headed.

At a time, I felt I needed to stop him and probably talks some senses into him before he does anything stipid but then, I decided to let him enjoy his moments while I ask myself sincere questions like;

1. What will happen if he decides to ask me out?
2. What will my reasons be to decline his proposal?
3. What if he isn't a bad guy after all?
4. Why do I think he may be a good guy?
5. Will I be able to submit to a man who seems not to be on the same pedestal with me even if he loves me?

When I answered these questions honestly, I noticed I would not date him, not because of his status or because I'm proud but because he doesn't match my 'what-I-want-in-my-man' list.

I like that he's diligent in his work but what about his educational/academic background that matters to me. Even if I decided to roll with him and put my shoulder pads down for him, what if he gets intimidated by my success and status as a successful and respected entrepreneur in later years. What if his folks influence him to misbehave? What if he doesn't appreciate what I am about (my job, ministry, buiness) and all that matter to me.

See, even the Bible says two won't work except they are in sync/agreement.

Before you agree to settle with a friend, boo or Bae, be sure you're on the same page about things that matter to you.

Ask questions, intentional ones

Be open minded and ready to sacrifice some leisure to make the relationship work but most importantly, be sure you can cope with his or her excesses.

As much as age, financial or academic status, etc. shouldn't be factors to be pertinent about when it comes to marriage, they are factors to be critically and objectively considered.

I declined a serious proposal from a man who is 15 years older than me not for his age really, but because I noticed our thinking facilities are very much wide apart.

He doesn't seem to reason with stuffs that matter to me. He sees things that are in vogue as vague and would always want to prove to me not to be 'that old' by acting childish irritatingly.

So in all, it may not be about the age, physical looks, financial buoyancy, academic status, etc as much as it is about the personality of the intended spouse/friend, but these things can't be crossed out as they may be factors to who/what the personality is. So they matter as well.

Summarily, be on the same page at least in eight things out of ten before deciding to stick with a friend/boo or Bae. Ignoring this not so red flags may cost you your peace in years into the relationship or marriage and you really wouldn't want that.

Selah!

UNVEIL, Nollywood Movie Review (2017)

UNVEIL Nollywood movie

That was how movie was hungrying me on Saturday. Na so so cinema I carry my leg waka go o. Unfortunately, I didn't have any movie in mind, I was just going to go pick up a ticket that looked appealing. The main actress of Unveil, Vivian Williams convinced me to buy, she and the other actors sold tickets. I was persuaded, her marketing was on point.

The movie was tacky! The story was good but the execution was just bad. I didn't like it. It was predictable. The acting was poor. I really don't understand the whole thing. Ah, this one wasn't too cool o. I wasted ticket money.

I didn't as much like the acting of the lead actress. It's probably because I am not used to seeing her act. Her sister was the funny one in that movie. I liked Yvonne Jegede's acting and naughty younger sister role. It was attractive.

Because I have decided that this won't be an entirely negative review, I have decided to bring out three of the so many lessons I picked from the movie. No creative work is that straightforward. It takes a lot of time, planning and hard work. So here they are, the lessons:

1. You don't leave husband and children to go and frequently see an ex. Same for relationships. Many people do this and claim that they are mature enough to handle any unforseen situation. There are different breakup situations, true but if you are with a new person, going to see an ex frequently is disrespectful to the current man you are dating.

2. WiFi isn't the first thing you ask a Nigerian when you come back from 'the abroad.'
This is on a lighter mood. So, my friend came back from the abroad and the only thing he kept complaining about was Internet. Ahahahahahahah.....

3. If you must work on your family, work to build a bond between siblings, between parents and siblings. A united family isn't as easy to scatter as one that is not. Your nuclear family especially should be cemented and with a voice. Together you can storm the weather.

In summary, it isn't a first pick movie. I wish they would work on that story and do some more justice to it for some other movie.


Working with Idiots can Kill You!

working office space

This article below is a text picture someone sent to our group whatsapp at work. I have been trying to trace the source and I just can't but if you find the source before me, would you please say? Thank you.

Now, I had to write the text out from the picture because I want you to read what I read. I read this and it was just doing me ghen ghen ghen ghen. I really want you to see how working with idiots can kill you and begin to brainstorm on how you can improve on your mental and emotional intelligence to accommodate stupidity. Read below:

"Idiots in the office are just as hazardous to your health as cigarettes, caffeine or greasy food, an eye-opening new study reveals.

In fact, those dopes can kill you! Stress is one of the top causes of heart attacks- and working with stupid people on a daily basis is one of the deadliest forms of stress, according to researchers at Sweden's Lindbergh  University medical center.

The author of the study, Doctor Dagmar Andersson, says her team studied 500 heart attack patients, and were puzzled to find 62% had relatively few of the physical risk factors commonly blamed for heart attacks.

"Then we questioned them about lifestyle habits and almost all of these low risk patients told us they worked with people so stupid they can barely find their way from the parking lot to their office. And their heart attack came less than 12 hours after having a major confrontation with one of this oafs.

" One woman had to be rushed to the hospital after her assistant shredded important company tax documents instead of copying them. A man told us he collapsed right at his desk because the woman at the next cubicle kept asking him for correction fluid - for her computer monitor.

"You can cut back on smoking or improve your diet; Doctor Andersson says, 'but most people have very poor coping when it comes to stupidity - they feel there is nothing they can do about it, so they just internalize their frustration until they finally explode. "

Stupid coworkers can also double or triple someone's workload, she explains. "Many of our subjects feel sorry for the drooling idiots they work with, so they try to cover for them by fixing their mistakes. One poor woman spent a week rebuilding client records because a clerk put them all in the 'recycle bin of her computer, then emptied it-she thought it meant the records would be recycled and used again'. "

So, what do you think? How can we get idiots to not affect our standard of working and living at work? Can you share any particular idiotic work experience?


It Goes Down in the DM and Other Weekend Links


I was crazily busy all week. I got so busy that I forgot to take breaks. I would like to think that the only time I refueled was when I closed my eyes to sleep. O my my, it is one of my most fulfilling weeks too. Have I even said an hi? Hi. So, how are you doing today?

I currently work at a real estate firm and we have a seminar tomorrow. Okay y'all, if you want to learn about legal documents in real estate, it is too late to register as the limited spaces are already booked and overflowing but you can contact Realty Point Limited to get the CDs. That wasn't an advert, actually. I was about to whine about my still going to work tomorrow to help in the organizing and because I talk too much, that came up.

This week, I highlighted links from my friends' blogs. I enjoyed some blog posts I went through in the course of the last weekend links sharing and this. Find which amuses you. Of course, you can read all. Let me know which of the blog posts you liked the most.

Most painful lesson I have learnt in marriage 

I saw this link on her Facebook wall and I dashed to the post straight like *insert snapping fingers emoticon*. So, I am like Mabel. Boy says one, I say fifty. I don't exactly know what transpired between her and her hubby but I picked something important from that post. Check it you would pick something great too.

It goes down in the DM

If you are living on earth, you have probably read about BankyW, Etomi and dm sliding. Okay. I like the angle with which this post is coming from and it is for people who think barging into people's inboxes to yarn nonsense is okay. No, it is not. Read that article for what's really up.

Where do you spread your clothes? 

I don't like the idea of spreading clothes on the grass. Really. I used to know of a woman who would instead of spread on the line spread on the grass and I would ask, 'why aren't you using this free line fa?' You can check that article for what happens when you keep spreading your clothes on the grass.

Finding link between 'nothing' and success 

This blog post right here is for people who have thinking caps and want to wear it. It got me thinking and I ask myself this question, why do you want to have money?  For fame, comfort, show off? Why? The reason to this question determines how we are driven to 'hamma'

Top 10 lies ladies tell 

For numbers 3,4 and 6, I am going to have his head for brunch tomorrow. Nonsense! I was both annoyed and laughing. Which one is all of that? You too can goan peep into the post o. Hmmmmmmm...

So, which of them did you enjoy the most?


Go from being a Doormat to the Dream Girl


Yaay! We are back again! My ladies, get in here.

You may be wondering what this is about. Well, let me tell you this isn't about exercise or body fitness or any beauty products but your attitude and Self love.

In this blog, I promise that you'll discover what it is about some women that drive men wild. You'll find that you deserve an amazing life and to be treated with love and respect.

You will start developing self love and confidence that most respected and adored women have.

Let's get started.
What or who is a DOORMAT?

She is a woman who desperately wants to be loved and would do just about anything to make that happen. She is someone who lets men and the people in her life walk all over her, she believes that the nicer she is, the more she'll be loved.

Who then is THE DREAM GIRL?

She's that girl that every man would love to be with. She's that girl that's impossible for a man not to think about every moment of the day. She's the woman with poise and passion. She's the self confident woman, she's that woman who's not all out to suck a man dry of his hard earned money.

Read this:

" I have just started dating this guy, it's just less than a month but I think he could be 'The One'.

"I can't stop thinking about him; when will I see him again? What will the future hold for us both?

"It's been days now since I have heard from him, my mind is thinking up scenarios and excuses. It is real, I had never felt so great with a man before, we really connected. I talked with him bout everything, we talked for hours. I really opened up, he was so into me".

"Yesterday, my call went straight to voice mail, like it did the day before when I had called a couple of times. I know he's busy with work and all; maybe he has misplaced his phone, that can happen".

"Maybe I'll text him, it's kinda getting rude that he's not replying ".

" Uhnmmmm, what do I do next? Text him again?"

"It's five days now, I think I'll text him, tell him how I feel, that I think it's rude for him not to reply, although I can remember him telling me that his mum stays outta town, maybe he has gone to see her and he's out of network coverage".

"Its been two weeks now since I saw him, maybe I was wrong to have slept with him. Why doesn't he call?, well, he probably has been busy"

Then, on and on, the excuses she makes for him continue. That up there is what it means to be a doormat. The reality is if he hasn't called, it's because he doesn't want to call.
Read on to see why you should not be the one chasing after a man.

In that scenario played up there, here's what happened; he didn't set out to hurt her, (except he's a badass baddo and she's a gullible one not to see that coming). Then he thought she's was okay with a short term fling, maybe a one-night stand, He could have thought that was what she wanted because she was up for it. He was up for a little fun, some pleasure and now he's moved on.

The truth is that if we ladies hand a guy a plate of goodies, 9 times out of 10, even if he's not hungry, he'll take a treat.

You allowed yourself to be infatuated too soon before you let anything deep enough gets developed; now there is nothing more, no mystery left for him to unfold. Why do you think he'll want to go further and get serious with you when the thrill of the chase is gone? 😏

If  you offer yourself to him because you had something special or you think you can amaze him with your sex skills, he's likely going to keep taking you to bed without any form of commitment. Be warned, sex does not equal relationship.

A man will crawl over broken glass if need be to get to a woman he really wants to be with. If he isn't calling anymore, he's just no longer interested.

You may have been acting the doormat in your relationship without even realizing it. The underlying issue is that you have low self esteem.

You want to let go of your emotions and give in to his to make sure he knows how much you care for him, however, there's a clear difference in genuine care for him and you letting him walk all over you.

You'd travel long miles and kilometer, say even long hours to honor a date with him?

You'd allow him love you less than he should and you're okay with it (at least he loves you small, àbí?)

You'd run errands, cook his food, wash his clothes, pay his bills at times, do everything to be the perfect partner and then wonder why he's not taking note, you find yourself asking or accusing him of taking your love for granted.

Don't feel deflated yet, now you see what you've not been doing right. Change, be less dependent on him. Work on yourself, be happy for you. Do only things you'd be proud of. Don't chase after love, be love. Lay your hands on something productive.

Be confident in yourself, know what you want in a man and wait for it, don't settle for less.

Till I come your way again.



How to Prepare Nigerian Coconut Rice

Nigerian coconut rice
Photo via @jayaerial

Nigerian coconut rice is coconut rice the Nigerian way. Hihihihihihihihi. I was looking for rhymes to make it sound deep but naaaaaa, this is food. Ain't nothing deep about food. Let's just eat and belch, shebi? Bad habit somebody I am. Worefa. Oya, let's go and see how to make this coconut rice the naija style.

Required ingredients:

-parboiled rice

-coconut milk extracted from whole coconut

-carrot (optional) 

-chicken or beef stock

-2 medium sized barbecue or ground fish

-onion (1 medium sized)

-Ground crayfish

-seasoning

-pepper

-salt

-vegetable oil (optional)

Preparing the dish:

1)Extract coconut milk from the coconut.

2)Cook the chicken or beef and reserve the stock.

3)Grill the fish or barbecue with salt.

4)Parboil your rice for about 15 minutes and let it drain in a sieve.

5)Grind the crayfish and set it aside.

6)Pour in the meat stock and the extraced coconut milk  into a pot and leave to boil for 5 minutes.

7)Pour the parboiled rice into the pot, and the chopped onions, ground crayfish, seasoning of choice, pepper and salt to taste. Make sure that the liquid on the pot is at the same level as the rice in the pot, if not, and some more to top it up. Add the barbecued fish later.

8)Cover and leave the rice to cook on medium heat until the liquid in the pot is dried up.

9)Then add the diced carrots if you want.

10) Voila, we have our coconut rice.

Will you try this sometime? It makes sense o, I am serious.


Getting Your Readers to Actually Read Your Blog Posts


An eye catching title is the first part of making your blog readable, it catches your reader’s attention. Therefore, the first thing you need to do is to...

1. Create Catchy Titles

Nowadays many a people just read the title and leave the actual story. This is actually from experience, In my hostel "Awolowo hall" obafemi awolowo university, when they visit nairaland, while eight out of 10 people will read the headline, only two out of 10 will read the rest.

Therefore, your main goal from the beginning is to find a catchy way to attract people to read that first paragraph because if they stop at the title, then your effort spent on writing the content is wasted.

Your title is like your personal appearance — your title is majorly the first impression most readers use to judge the content. For this reason, your title should have some, if not all, of the following elements.

Understanding: Your reader should gain a general understanding about the topic of your content.

Curiousity: Never give away too much while describing your content to your reader, just give the reader enough information to make them click through to the first paragraph.

Value: What reason do readers have for reading your content? In general, understand that value comes in two ways — making your reader happier or wealthier.

Stand Out: Unusual titles, like 'a lady in red in a sea of black suits',  stands out. How can you frame your headline in a way that is unique and more interesting?

Urgency: Readers are more likely to read your content if it will no longer be relevant the next day.

To deliver great catchy titles to your readers, it takes practice, but the effort is worth it! Well written titles can increase your blog views by as much as 500 percent depending on how well you do!

Your style of writing has a big influence on your readability. if you want to deliver more entertaining, interesting and engaging content, consider getting a little creative and don’t be afraid of inserting yourself into the conversation.

2. Determine The Length Of Your Post

There are different types of people with different styles when it comes to reading but majorly we will be discussing two which are...

I. people who enjoy short, quick bursts of information delivered in bullet points and hyperlink.

II. People who love longer content (usually between 1,500 to 3,000 words.)

Presently the settle… ? Discover how to balance the situation. Writing long and extensive articles everytime can be very challenging and a number of your readers may not need that.
Write short content that will engage and interest your readers and include value, however add to your blend longer and more keen content.

4. Utilize Appealing Visuals

A standout or a unique way amongst the best approaches to make your articles clear is by changing it to a visual format, for example, an infographic, slide deck or even a video. Doing as such requires that you separate your substance to its total stripped down, which once more, for your readers makes it substantially less demanding to consume.

Likewise, while adding pictures to your post may not really make content more meaningful, high effect visuals will help make it differentiable and also noticeable.

What action(s) are you going to take to get readers to actually read your blog posts? What has been working so far?

This guest post is by Fisayo Adedoyin.
You can find him blogging here. 


What if my Family does not Support my Goals and Dreams?


#sighs

I did that first because many places I turn to, I hear this question. Just last week, I read a response to a reader's question on a Facebook group and it was all about parental input to dreams and goals.

Apparently, this person is old enough, in fact, more than old enough to decide what he wants in life. He is old enough to make his own mistakes but his parents treat him like a dumb person, like one who doesn't know for sure what he wants. They probably feel he isn't old enough to pick the battles he wants to fight.

I am telling you that this happens every time. People are torn in between 'honouring their parents' and being happy. It's a tough one to deal with especially if you are being emotionally blackmailed into doing their biddings. I would one day share my story of how I got into blogging against my parents' wish after I studied Chemistry for years. The opposition was pretty much but the emotional support I got from boo at the time was more than enough to help me push on. My family is now solidly behind me.

Now, listen. This life is your life. The lives each of your family member is living is their own lives. When they are all grown up, very old and gone from this world, you will be left to deal with the consequences of the choices you picked when you were much younger. Truth is that, some of the decisions you should have taken earlier might either become totally  impossible or extremely difficult.

Take your life and run it like you have to submit to only God. The only responsibility you have to your family members is to respect them and love them. You don't have to be imprisoned. A time will come when they will praise you for standing your ground and becoming successful. I can assure you that that time will come, yes. What are you going to do before that time? Sulk, whine and complain about how they won't allow you?

It's very okay for them to feel disappointed that you are not respecting their wish. It's okay for them to want to exercise the authority to shove things down your throat. Guess what? These do not matter at all. Feel bad all you want, temporarily and brace up. There is a life ahead of you and that life doesn't submit to emotions and sentiments. It is shaped by your courage and resilience and drive.

Your family must never agree with your passions and goals. They must not always be on the same page as you. You can't force everyone to be passionate about your dreams. In fact, if your dreams and goals are large enough, they would scare you. If they scare you, they would scare your family too. If they can't manage the overwhelming fear, you can get over it to get to where you want to be.

While maintaining your stance, respect them. Never be tempted to exchange words. Guard the vision you have and work at it. Go the extra mile to become the adult. Invest in your mental and emotional life. Be prepared for what lies ahead of you. Family is going to be that person, the set of people that will go with you all the way. Don't worry, your real family will join the train much later.

What if your family doesn't support your goals and dreams? Pretend like that doesn't matter one bit!


5 Sure Ways to Know He's in Love With You


The ultimate question on almost every woman's lips. As effusively ambitious as it sounds, it remains a valid one given that many men would go any length to give the impression of someone in love just to access the honey between a woman's laps.
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I have compiled five pointers that I believe would deepen further discussion on this puzzling question from numerous answers to the same poser on a friend's facebook wall.
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Before I highlight these points it is pertinent to note that there's a marked difference between  a man that loves you and a man that is in love with you. It is possible for a man to love you without being in love with you but quite impossible for a man to be in love with you without loving you.
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In any way, there are no hard and fast rules to any of these things by the way.
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1. A man that is in love with you would be wary of losing you. There's an extra caution to how he handles you because he wouldn't want to lose you. Let's just say you must have come to mean so much to him he sees you as an integral part of his present and future. Ah, you must be a value for a man to be in love with you as it is.
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2. If he constantly seeks your growth and development, he is in love with you. Whoever seeks your growth and development undoubtedly loves you but to constantly do that requires a lot more than loving someone. A man not bonded to you by blood that loves you with such tenacity is in love with you.
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3. A man in love with you can not keep quiet about the special woman in his life.  He'd would have probably talked about you with unmistakable glow in his eyes to people you haven't even met. You will pop up in his conversation with others more often than he can resist. When you meet his friends or family, you'd know...
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4. When a man is in love with you, he'd wait for you. Let me explain. A man in love with you is blind to your vices and inadequacies. As long as there's still a chance ( and he always convinces himself there is)  that you could be better, that you'd work upon yourself, that you'd put in efforts... He's willing to wait and persist with you. That's why they say Love is blind. It is isn't. It is merely an incurable optimist.
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5. Finally, a man that is in love with you would forgive you. Forgiveness is one of the basic quality of love. He might sulk or brood when offended, but he has a place in his heart for you that makes it impossible not to forgive you. If he can't forgive you, he has fallen out of love.
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In conclusion, ladies must understand that loving does not happen in a day. It is a need that requires nurturing to grow and mature. What we call love is often infatuation that has stood the test of time. Love takes time and patience.
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Credits: Hymar Idibie David Olumide GlowVille Tosin Ayo Olubukola Ozone
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This piece is by Ogbeni La

I Know a Kick-Ass Blogger and Other Weekend Links


Hello everyone. How has the week been? Are you ready for the weekend? I am and I am excited already. It's a good time to rest and refuel for the coming week. Here are my favorite links for this week. You can just click on any one that catches your fancy and you can even decide to read everyone of them, lol.

3 Communication tools your marriage needs

This is one very good marriage tool to help resolve future conflicts. Communication is just too important in relationships and marriages. Read this article to learn more about communicating effectively.

I have butt hair and it's very embarrassing

Now this is a slightly embarrassing piece and I know that a few of my readers may have this butt hair condition. Read stories of people who have this on the forum and be first of all encouraged to learn that you are not the only one. Be open to see how they manage theirs to their lifestyles.

How many hours of sleep is enough

I went to search for the ideal sleep time online because I have been sleep starving myself. I got this link and I liked the break down of the ideals into age brackets. Read and learn from this too.

A guide to intermittent fasting

This is by far the best article I have read on intermittent fasting. Let me tell you the single reason I have not written on Intermittent fasting and my journey through it yet - laziness. I have so much to say about it and a little bit more details to expose but I have been too lazy to pile up. I promise you that I will come around to this and write on intermittent fasting because my my, I am leaner, healthier, fresher and my bowels now move more frequently.

Different types of boobs

I know many girls are inquisitive about how other girls' bodies look like. If you never stayed in the hostel, chances are that you have been wondering if your naked body, especially your boobs look like everyone else. See the different types of boobs in this article.

I know a kick-ass blogger

I saved this for the last not because it is least. A fellow blogger was so kind as to give me a blog post tribute. It meant so much to me ehn. You may read his post about me on his blog.


Here you go, darlings. Which of these links did you like the most? Would you please share with me?


Why do you want to get married?


Hello ladies, get in here; this is exclusively for you.

I belong to an only ladies' whatsapp group (The Refined Babes Network) where we had this discussion and I hope you'd take time to pick out one or two lessons from it.

Let's talk about why you want to get married.

This will launch us into other important discussions. We are vowing to consciously be refined in all areas from henceforth.

Let's start by asking, what is your own definition of marriage?

Marriage is synergy.

Marriage is a union between two ready individuals who know what they want, are willing to go for it and do what it takes to make it work.

Marriage is the coming together of a man and woman, uniting to become one spiritually, physically, emotionally and in all other aspects

Marriage is a union of two matured individuals, who are ready to give what it takes to stay with their genuine vows to each other.

What is love to you?

Love is knowing the in and out of a person, their strengths and weaknesses and deciding to stick with them in spite of their many flaws, helping them to grow through the process of becoming better.

Love is loving me even when you hate me.

Love is being able to call me out on my crap.

Love is knowing you and I aren't Siamese twins but remaining willing to learn about me and adjust.

Our knowledge of love and marriage will help us in our decision to settle down among other things

"What is love to me?"
We should daily ask and answer this question sincerely.

This is because the definition can change as a result of situations or environment or whatever. However, as it changes, a word or phrase will still reoccur and remain constant in the different definitions..

That word or phrase is your true definition of love.

Sometimes, our definition of love and reason for marriage stems from what we lacked while growing up or what we see around us.

This definition or reason for marriage may not be true because our true selves, asides from environment may want something different.

For instance, I may have grown in a family where my father does not show love to his children. I grow up seeking and defining love as blah blah blah and want to marry a man that shows his feelings or care or whatever. Meanwhile, my true self wants a man who can just provide for his family and I will be fine.

Sometimes, against what we front as our reason for falling in love or getting married, are hidden things which drive us more, such as things we lacked while growing up, things that are our weakness, things we can't do, to feel among, to feel complete, etc

Let me reiterate what we must have heard countless times:

MARRIAGE DOES NOT COMPLETE YOU.

YOU HAVE TO FIND YOURSELF BEFORE MARRIAGE

MARRIAGE DOES NOT TAKE AWAY YOUR HURT OR INSECURITIES

MARRIAGE DOESN'T COVER  OR TAKE AWAY YOUR WEAKNESSES

MARRIAGE DOES NOT MAKE YOU SANE

MARRIAGE DOES NOT GIVE YOU ANY EDGE OVER YOUR MATES (Except that some eye service people will start calling you madam and kini)

MARRIAGE DOES NOT SOLVE YOUR INADEQUACIES

MARRIAGE DOES NOT MAKE YOUR UGLY PAST LEAVE YOU ALONE.

ETC

You have to consciously deal with all of the above mentioned things before getting yoked with someone else, otherwise, you will just be carrying even worse baggage around.

In deciding that we are in love or want to get married, let's check whether what we are fronting as our reason for getting married aligns with what our inner reason is.

How do you do this?

Take time constantly to relax. Look at the things happening around you in different marriages that you don't like. If those things were not there and all was rosy, will you still have those reasons as reasons to get married?

Now, it's also one thing to want to marry and another thing to be ready to marry and another one yet, to know when you are ready to marry.

Where we often times get stuck is knowing when we are ready to get married.

If you don't know when you are ready to get married, you wee kuku marry and it will be katakata every other day.

There are no written rules to know when you're ready to get married that I am aware of. No laid down determining factors. It's all a personal business.

But I will explain quickly

To want to marry= Reason(s) for marrying

To be ready= You have ticked almost all your boxes good. You have worked on all your flaws or almost. You have known yourself and developed yourself. You have known what it takes to be yoked and stay yoked, etc.

To know you are ready= You have come to a point of awareness that you have satisfied your steps to being ready

It's a problem to think you are ready for marriage. You ought to know, don't just think it.

But hey! How can you even know when you have not set anything as standards or steps to take before marriage?

Where we often miss our step is in the preparation.

We hold the crap that "If he loves me, he will love my flaws" to heart. My friend, get serious! Who flaws epp? Time and space to love and do another thing, he will be loving flaws abi?

Love is not blind. It can choose to wear sunshades but love cannot be blind. It's our core values that merge in a relationship/marriage.

Our love relationship/marriage is only as good as our content as individuals. And love is beautiful! Not all men or women are scum 😉

That all marriages around you are failing does not mean yours will fail.

That your parents don't have a beautiful love story does not mean you can't have one.

Inasmuch as our environment affects us too, we can consciously build ourselves for our homes. That's the part about setting guidelines or steps personally towards being ready for marriage. You should consciously work on the things you think made marriages around you fail so that you don't end up that way

Marriage is NOT HARD WORK, you should do all the hard work before you get married.

It still boils down to your getting ready for marriage and knowing that you are ready

Work on your self. Work on your flaws and weaknesses. Find yourself. Be complete before getting entangled.

I don't want to go into the spiritual angle so I will just say find, seek and KNOW GOD for and by YOURSELF. He is the ULTIMATE of all. If we do all the preparation and He doesn't bless it, OYO is our case.

So, before you decide to 'settle down', ask yourself, "What are the guidelines I have set in preparation for marriage?"

If you don't have, get a book and pen. Write stuffs you intend to work on down.

If you are still sleeping around,
If you still love your own company more than life
If you can't share your space
If you still lie
If you still gossip
If you still pretend
If you still live your life to please others
If you are still a collection of people's opinions
If you don't know why you are living
If you are still dabbling into everything you see
If you don't know and practice the power of compromise
If you are too independent to a fault  (I know this one will raise questions)
If you are still following confused people to chant feminism (think it well)
If you still think marriage will save you from yourself
If....

YOU ARE NOT READY TO GET MARRIED and you have no business putting another human in your mess.

People lose themselves in marriage, how do you know if you find yourself here?
First of all, do you know yourself? If you do, you will know when you are not doing you and then you will know that you have started loosing yourself. .

Also, when you have suddenly veered off from what makes you tick. People call it destiny or purpose or something. When you have started living your life for living sake, you are loosing you.

Lemme add here that your purpose and that of your hubby will be interwoven. They might not have the same process but the end product will be the same. That's where the synergy thing comes in and one chasing a thousand and two chasing millions.

Before I enter purpose, lemme pause

As babes with quality character, let's be deliberate in these things so that we will have years to keep celebrating.

We have to consciously attend to certain things and do all the hard work before marriage.

You that is thinking knowing God solves it all, you are in for a long ride.

God will not come down and do ya marriage for you. You have to be deliberate about these things.

Shebi marrying wrongly they say, is the worst thing that can happen to one. Especially for believers that don't believe in divorce.

To avoid stories that touch, DO THE WORK NOW!

If you don't do the work now, marriage will be hard work for you. It will be stressful. It will be boring. It will be problematic. It will be so so and so

Lastly, I will recommend TD Jakes' book "Before you say I do". It contains lots of questions one can ask at different stages of life.

I wish you a successful marriage even as you take time to scrutinize your reasons for getting married.

Content Credit: All the babes of The Refined Babes Network
Cc: Ugochi Gold Nwachukwu, Eunice Adesina, Maryjane Okobi, Becky Oladimeji Olatunji