Love is much more than a feeling

by - Saturday, August 23, 2014


Yaay, it’s another weekend, right? *giggling* I am as excited as you are. Here I am chilling with a glass of wine. Shey, you know that wine is wine… even if it is zobo… a local champion is still a champion remember? Who even cares about your opinion? *pouting* At least I am enjoying… that’s what matters. Ha.. wait o…wait wait…I care, as in really care about your opinion ke. Without readers, no writer na. 


Ehn, WAIT FIRST, before you close this page in annoyance, read the article below. At least the title has succeeded in getting your attention. Ha! You this people, you too like loooovu…you too like looooovu. Anywhere you see love like this, your eyes go open. Chai! Nawa for una. Anyway, this is for you. I promise to be very serious in the following paragraphs. *serious face* *pinky finger out* okay nau…let’s roll.

I was chatting with a friend on whatsapp yesterday. We talked about a lot of things until we got to this issue of love. I actually popped up the question first. I knew he was in a relationship and I knew it has been going on for a while. So I decided to ask him when he is planning to get married. He replied with ‘she called it quits on the relationship’. I was like, ‘what?’ I just felt it unfair you know. And then I began the nurse my hatred for all this love love thing. I was soooo angry that I asked him what exactly love is. The answer he gave me despite the predicament he has found himself in was so practical and real. I began to relate to it. Since yesterday I have been on this research and that has made me understand this subject matter so well. In fact, I am beginning to see why some relationships last and eventually end up in lifelong marriages. If you can, please get the movie ‘two brides and a baby’. Yeah, first time I will be recommending naija movie abi? Ehn, this one carry sense wella.
Now I am thinking… I want to get this new found philosophy of love to as many as I can- my blog readers especially. I never know whose relationship I am saving.
Falling in love
We have heard this couple of times; this is when we are so head over heels in love with someone. We cherish this person; we want to be with them; we miss them terribly when we don’t see them; we get goose pimples when they are around us; everything they do is just so pleasant and on point. They are never wrong. We imagine spending the rest of our lives with them. We want them to be happy because we are happy being with them. We care so much about their well being and soooo on and soooo forth. I guess you know what I am talking about. So let’s just move on.
The realization of love
Our feelings mature over time. The friendship solidifies and we begin to think of modifying this friendship into a relationship. We feel that it would be heaven on earth to have this person become our one and only. Yes, it would be one nice thing to always have this person around us. We eventually term these feelings we have as love. Yeah…LOVE. Love Love Love *singing and mimicking Mr Bones* Sorry sorry, I promised to be serious.
Nobody ever tells us this
And so…. we scale through the stage of having to consider whether to be in a relationship with this person or not. We look into their spiritual, financial, intellectual, moral and physical attributes. We are satisfied with the positives and hope that we can manage and make do with the negatives. So… we are in a relationship with this very person we love. But how to we keep staying in this relationship? How do we keep loving this person unto marriage. I guess nobody ever talks about the downs you will both be facing at one point of the journey. Nobody ever tells you that you would one day ask what on earth attracted you to this annoying person in the first place. Nobody ever tells you that you would feel that the original spark is gone and you don’t quite have that ‘gish-gish’ feeling anymore. If you are there thinking love is like what you see in 'em movies and co, you are just beginning to walk your way through fantasy 'disney land'. Una sit down for there, you here. Hehehehehehehe!. Remember that you will begin to meet other people who appear to be much better than your present partner; maybe richer, more beautiful, more intellectual, more romantic and stuff.
Love as a decision
Now, this is where we wanna talk mature stuff- decision. Love at this point has to leave the feelings stage to the decision stage. Of course, we would still have feelings later on if we endure and work towards it. We now have to decide if we would stick to the person. We have to make a conscious effort to love them as they are, their personality and not their character. We would have to decide whether we want this person despite their inadequacies. Remember that we can never be perfect beings. Realizing that will make us know that even if we quit we would eventually get to this point in the next relationship. Until we decide we would always merry-go-round. This decision to love is what has kept some of these old marriages glowing. They decide to respect their partners even though it seems tough. Love is unconditional; they understand that fully. Even children misbehave and do some things that make their parents have reasons not to love them anymore, but guess what? They still love them anyway. They are theirs, so they have this one and only best choice - to love them through their folly. You wonder why a mother would still breastfeed her child even after he bit her nipple. That is what unconditional love is. You wonder why Jesus Christ still died for us (despite how wicked, sinful and wretched we are). If it was love based on feelings he wouldn’t stay on that cross mhen… you think say na beans?
So, let us come to a conclusion that in as much as physical attraction is needed to excite love, decision is needed to stay in love. Love is therefore more than a feeling, it is more of a decision.
P.S- I am obviously not a love doctor, so nothing like e-mails requesting for counseling sessions (back to my V.I.P voice. *high shoulders*)
P.P.S- Stay put, no litters in the room and  don’t scatter the sitting room. We meet NEXT on Wednesday. *eyes roving behind the curtains* I am watching you!

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