Pastor Instructs More Tolerance After Third Beating in a Month

by - Wednesday, November 16, 2016


This is an excerpt from a book I am currently reading and it's titled, 'Rocking the Roles' by Robert Lewis and William Hendricks. I found something very powerful and unavoidably pressing as it relates to a topic people experience and frequently discuss - domestic violence. Read below a woman's experience and the author's thoughts about how her case was handled.

Enjoy :

In her powerful book,  In the Name of Submission ,  Kay Marshall Strom told about an abused woman who sought the advice of her pastor:

' "After my husband beat me for the third time in a month,  I turned in desperation to my minister", said Pamela. "I wish I hadn't. First he assured me that my husband was not a bad man and meant no harm.  Then he instructed me to be more tolerant, more understanding,  and to forgive my husband for beating me, just as Christ forgave those who beat him. I went home determined to do better, but I was greeted at the door by a punch in the face.  How much must I tolerate? Does Christ really want me to stay in an abusive relationship?'


The answer is an unqualified No! My heart breaks for Pamela and the thousands of women like her who have been told to go home and submit to sick,  abusive men. If this is an accurate report of what her minister said,  he mishandled the Scripture and contributed to nothing less than wife abuse!

I wish this were an isolated case,  but it isn't. Far too often churches look the other way when husbands act unbiblically. The pastors and leaders know something is wrong, but except for the most extreme cases of sexual misconduct or physical abuse, they do nothing. You see, churches can be enablers,  too! What a contrast to the interdependent community of believers exhorted in the New testament to aggressively address unhealthy marriages (1 Corinthians 5) and sinful behaviours (Matthew 18). This certainly included steps to help a woman whose husband chronically failed his wife and family.

We need to return to that era of 'tough love.' Surely God will judge those if us who are church leaders if we fail to 'Shepherd the flock of God... according to the will find God' (1 Peter 5:2). Without question, one reason God gives a woman a husband is for protection. But if the protector himself turns out to be an irresponsible or worthless fellow,  then other believers need to step in and offer her protection and other help (Galatians 6:1-2).

What can the church do? First,  a church needs to cultivate an overall community of believers that encourages healthy marriages.  In the New testament,  Paul told Pastor Titus to 'speak things which are fitting for sound doctrine ' (Titus 2:1), "speak and exhort and reprove with all authority. Let no one disregard you" (2:15). The context shows that a major theme of Titus' ministry was to be marital relations.


In the same way,  pastors ought to teach on biblical roles from the pulpit. Their teaching should be clear and uncompromising. It also should be 'wholistic' - that is,  reflecting the whole counsel of God,  not just a few favourite tests.  In my opinion today's church could stand a lot more preaching to husbands about their role as servant-leaders. Women would benefit from hearing the wife's role as helper expanded and clarified.

In addition to its pulpit ministry,  the church should sponsor classes and seminars offering couples biblical strategies for building their families according to biblical principles. There is no end to books,  workbooks, discussion guides, video series,  and other materials devoted to marriage and family issues. Husbands especially need to be recruited to participate in small groups that discuss marriage and family issues. Men need to become accountable to one another for follow through. "

I hope you enjoyed reading this except. If this blog post is something you know would help someone in dilemma or looking for answers, would you please share? Thank you.

P.S- please don't forget to subscribe to my blog. Have a beautiful Wednesday y'all. Xoxo...

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