How to stay independent in your relationship

by - Saturday, September 23, 2017


Loving up is as good as it sounds but it can also take a toll on our individual lives. While you are trying to properly understand your man, be there for him, help him achieve his goals, you may lose your independence in the relationship.


We have heard of girls who breathed, talked, thought, lived their men. Surprising thing, in fact, shocking thing, actually is that some of these women have got something really going on for them asides the relationship. Some of them are trail blazing their careers, pushing through limits and causing a major shift. Their love lives however sucks. Maybe not sucks, is draining.

You have one or two of them around. You may even be the one. I am glad you found this piece.

I am going to in this blog post show you how to get back your independence in the relationship. You are going to become the total individual you were before you met him. This is essentially what drew him towards you in the first place. So, if you will get back to being the fabulously independent woman he met, your relationship will be stronger and you get to find out that you enjoy your relationship more.

Have your girlfriends

It is very easy to discard your girls as soon as you are deep in love with him. Your girls will be the one to help you take some time out. God forbid you split or the relationship goes south, on whose shoulders will you lean? To stay independent in a relationship, you should get your own circle of friends. These are not friends that are mutually friends with him, they are exclusively your own friends.

They are the ones you can call, ask for help, chat with, discuss, engage and go out together. Instead of having to bug your man about menstrual issues, turn to your girls and get it off your chest. It's unlikely that your man doesn't want to listen to your girl problems, but sometimes men pretend to be involved, they really would not want to go that trivial. Spare him that and take some control.

Own your hobbies

Asides from when you both go out together, play games, watch movies, read together, you should have your own hobbies. You should have things that you do on your own without his input. Go back to those things you loved to do during your free time before you met him.

Chase your dreams

Women, we are naturally nurturers so we become very involved so quickly that we lose ourselves. We forget what ignites the spark within us so quickly when we are deep in love. Do not take on his own dreams as your cross. Let him chase his dreams, support him. That's how far you should go.

To stay independent in your relationship, you should pursue your dreams as vigorously as he would his. Reignite your passion and restate your vision. Set your goals again and begin to live up to them one by one.

Detach emotionally once in a while

This is healthy, contrary to what many people think. Once in a while, create a gap. Don't think about him in a romantic way for a while and go about pursuing your own business. If you were always first to call, tone down on it a little.

Create a busy schedule to fill up your day. Do something more worthwhile than drooling at his pictures or replaying the voice note he sent.

Let him breathe

Allow him to do his own thing, let him own his own space. Chances are that you are already stripping him of his own independence too. He may or may not know this. Either way, this can affect your relationship. Do not choke him. Let him take his time out to visit his friends and do his thing. Let him watch his football, use this as an opportunity to get yourself into something productive.


Learning to stay independent in your relationship will help you become more useful to yourself and to the relationship as a whole.

Photo credit : Cassie Daves 

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