To have a child or to not have a child...

by - Friday, October 13, 2017


"To have children or not to have children" is a guest post by Favour Ifunanya Izuchukwu

I think if we look down history, we will discover that most of us alive today were not wanted, we were needed. We were needed to calm the mother-in-law, needed to avoid the stares of Mama Ngozi in the front sit with her new gele, needed to prove a point to the womb watchers. Some of our parents were not ready to have us.

People get married, go for a month's honeymoon and shock themselves with a baby. We work with the order of wedding baby parenthood. We forget the important part of having a wedding in the first place, the marriage. People get so caught up with having children that they forget to get married. Mr and Mrs and few months later, daddy and mummy!

What?!

Where is the point where you date your wife?
Where is the point of knowing each other before hormones kick in?
Where is going to family planner before going to the Gyno?
We move from one stage to the other so fast that we don't even realize we've fallen already.

"What is the purpose of a marriage? ", you ask.
It's as simple as,"... A man will leave his his mother and father to be joined as one with his wife...", "... He who finds a wife finds a good thing... ".
Marriage is meant to grow you. Two seeds on one earth.
You need to die, germinate and grow before you have seeds.
You have not sat down to have any sort of conversation about kids and you just feel confident you can pop one.

Being a parent is a lifetime job. It doesn't end. Even if your marriage ends, your parenthood does not end. You parent your child until the day you die.

Unlike the mentality of old, a child is not an achievement. A son is not a legacy. A daughter is not a property. Children are humans. You can be proud of a child but your legacy is not your child. You will not be remembered for accomplishing child birth. People have given birth, people will give birth. You cannot have more children than King Solomon. You might as well hold your womb at this point.

A child is a child.
A legacy is a legacy.
It is what it is; there is not shortcut to that.
If all you have achieved in a marriage is giving birth multiple times, you have failed so woefully.

"He is survived by..... ". If you've been to a burial, you know that line by heart. You will be survived by your children but your legacy will survive your children. The worst thing you can do is to leave a child behind and not have a legacy. Your child will die because a child is flesh but a legacy is a book. Books do not die.

To have a child or to not have a child

I say, have a child when you're ready to say no so many times.
Have a child when you are fluent in the language of intelligence.
Have a child when you can combine street and church.
Have a child when you can hold that child financially.
Have a child when you're ready to be a soldier whose base is at home.

Have a child when you're ready to juggle every profession known to man to ensure that child has the best.
Have a child when you know your sex education.

If you are not ready, do not have a child

Have a child because you are ready.
Have a child because you want to have a child.
Have a child when you can swear the parenthood oath

"I............... Do solemnly swear that as long as I live, I will exhibit all characters of a parent. I promise to be intelligent. I promise to not be negligent. I promise to not force my child to be an adult when he or she is still young. I promise to have sense and plenty of it. I promise to not be abusive. I promise to understand the meaning of PG and to hold my child is high esteem and standard and security. I promise to not expose my child to rape by adults. I promise to teach my kid to scream and speak and be vocal about issues. I promise to not silence my child. I promise to not ignore the instruction to anger my child. I promise to do my best to not raise a national disaster. I promise to promise.
So help me God"

Let your mother in law wait. Let your church members wait. Let social media wait. A child is not a mistake you can correct. If you're not ready, you're not ready. If you do it wrong, your mistake will last as long as the life of the child.

To have a child or not to have a child
Have a child.
Have a child when you have established your marriage.
Have a child after being a crazy couple.
Have a child when you've looked at both yourselves and have decided that the world needs a combination of both of you.

Have a child when you're ready.

Quill And Ink, Favour Ifunanya Izuchukwu

Photo credie: 123Rf

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