Boy-Girl Relationships: An Observing Girl's Perspective

by - Wednesday, January 21, 2015

You remember that movie- The lifeguard (2013)?
Hey pumpkins, I know the guys don't like that. Okay, let me start all over again. Hello boys and girls. Don't you worry; I'm getting there very soon. So, today is Wednesday. You remember the post on my blog update schedule? Yeah, I am still sticking to plan-Wednesdays and Saturdays.

When I was much younger, my dad used to warn me. Don't get close to any boy. Of course, you know the reaction na. These old fashioned parents that won't let you live your life in peace. Let me just live my life jejely, you've lived yours. But as I write this article, I remember this Yoruba adage that says that no matter how much clothes you have you can never have more rags than the elders. Those people know stuff I tell you. No, seriously...they know, really do. They have lived life longer, they have seen things. Instead of regretting their decisions and past mistakes, they try to warn us. Truthfully, they may be harsh and sometimes extreme and so we don't even want to buy their advice no matter how good it may seem. Also, their approach too may cause some rebellion.
Most of our resolutions, principles and values are formed from personal experiences. These are top three lessons I am learning. I am being objective as possible not closing my heart to whatever changes I need to make.
My company should be expensive
Until I realized that, I let boys enjoy my company for free. Yes, for free. They liked my ideas, my person and my aura. They would binge on the goodness of my presence and contributions, enjoy my attention and give me nothing in return. Oh, there was something they gave me in return-emotional disorder. Now, I know better. You should be ready for a give and take relationship. I cannot afford to give, give and give anymore because they have used up all of their cards. Not one is left. 
I cannot avoid intimacy if I allow undue closeness
Before I discovered this, the boys would call me morning and night deceiving me with the 'just to check on you' explanation. Even though I wondered why my other friends didn't call me every morning and night, I dismissed those thoughts with 'he's just a friend anyway'. I did not only allow them deceive themselves (because some of them were innocently ignorant) but also deceive me. Now, I know that we need to talk about what is happening between us at any point I suspect undue intimacy. Some of them, I now know, knew what they were doing. It was deliberate. They wanted to soften my heart and then induce a sense of attachment. That was probably so that I would say 'yes' immediately they asked me out. Of course, I would be anticipating already. What a deceptive way to win a girl.
Boys are not supermen, they also can be very confused
If I assumed that they all know what they are doing all the time, I would eventually get hurt. Because of the deceptive nature of some of them, they would flash a green light, switch over to a red one and then flash the green light again. There are some others who sincerely don't know what they want. Today, they want me because I am their dream girl; tomorrow they don't want me because I am 'too fleshy'.

I am beginning to  understand what dad meant. The advice was too archaic to me, I think. I misunderstood him to mean that I should not, in any way think I am going to be in any relationship till I grow old and die. *smiling* Of course, I didn’t want to take that kind of advice. I wish he made it clearer. Something like…don’t get too close to a boy you are not planning to build a relationship with.
My conclusion after assessing my various relationships with members of the opposite sex is to ask questions. Ask questions. Ask if you suspect something unusual than the normal boy-girl friendship. I am jollof rice, no boy should treat me like white rice.

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