10 Things to do When Your Boyfriend Hurts Your Feelings

by - Wednesday, February 03, 2016

Woman hurt by boyfriend

We all experience hurt in varying degrees. We  differ from each other also in the way we handle hurt. When your boyfriend hurts your feelings, It might be easy for you to go overboard; some however still maintain their cool (now that's some enviable sh*t). 

We all will cross each other's paths,  we will step on each other's toes.  That you are in a love relationship with someone does not guarantee blissful bliss. To make a potential union work,  you need to be willing.  Now,  that's difficult when you are hurt,  right? 

This article does not cover the scope of serious relationship misbehavior like cheating. I am only suggesting practical solutions to when you are hurt by some of your boyfriend's actions or words. So,  when your boyfriend hurts your feelings, what do you do? How do you handle/react/respond when he hurts you? 

1. Admit to yourself that you were hurt

Sometimes we try to be 'good' ; we want to be modest enough to think that we can never get hurt or angry at someone we love. The sooner you admit to yourself that your partner hurt you regardless of whatever good thing you share together,  the better.  

2. Listen to yourself

When you have admitted that you were hurt by your boyfriend , try to evaluate the situation.  You may have to do this when you are calmer; when you know that you won't become aggressive.  Flip the coin back and forth.  Are you overreacting? Is there something else fueling the way you feel? 

3. Talk to your boyfriend about it

When you are sure that you can not feel less than be hurt,  speak to him about it.  Tell him you were hurt by his actions or words.  You may not honestly know why you felt bad but tell him anyway.  Express in plain language.  Don't mince words and assume that he will understand the unsaid things. 

4. Try to properly understand your boyfriend's reasons

When you are certain that a man will not intentionally hurt you,  try to understand him and know what angle he is coming from.  There are some things we do to some of our friends in a bid to protect them.  These things surprisingly may cause them to be angry.  This is where communication comes in.  Communicate effectively. After expressing how you feel,  listen more than you would talk. 

5. Give your boyfriend time to process 

Men are very different from women.  Understanding this will help you understand why he doesn't see what you see as blue as blue. He may see it as yellow and that's just exactly why he is a man.  After telling him,  give him time to understand.  He may come back defensive; men do that a lot.  It may be out of anger or irresponsibility (not wanting to admit a fault).  If he does that,  go over the situation again  and explain why you would not want it to happen again.  Using 'I'.  For example,  'I was deeply hurt when you made me wait unending at the restaurant' 

6. Allow your boyfriend to apologize 

Let him tell you that he is sorry. Sometimes we want to pamper their ego and move on either way.  Some stuff don't work that way.  This is very important because to do that is to admit that he was wrong.  If you don't create a space for this,  you might not heal from the hurt.  You might also find it difficult to forgive him if he unintentionally repeats it. Make sure that his actions make you feel that you are on the same page.  

7. Propose possible solutions

Brainstorming together with your boyfriend will not only help him see how important this is to you,  it will help you heal.  Better options are that he can call whenever he realizes that he is running late for a date. He can as well reschedule if he thinks that there is the possibility of you not going out together again. 

8. Take a break

If you are constantly being hurt by your boyfriend and you feel that he cares less about it,  you might need to step down for a while. If you are considering a future with a man and you feel that a recurring situation will not produce a blissful Union,  you might need to take a break and reassess the relationship as a whole. 

9. Speak to someone 

Preferably an older friend. Someone who's been past where you are now.  A third party can assess a situation critically and logically without getting things mixed up.  Your emotions may sometimes get in the way. A trusted friend can help you understand if you are overreacting or if he is pushing it.  A third party may also sense dangers and tell you about it.  This is especially in a case where abuse of any sort is involved.  

10. Quit when your boyfriend hurts you physically 

This is a difficult one but it may be the best of all the options you have.  There are some things that not only hurt but destroy.  They destroy your soul; destroy your person,  your being; destroy your esteem.  In a situation where verbal abuse for example is recurrent,  you may need to quit.  Worse situations are physical abuse or any other form of hurt that may wreck you.  

There you go.  Instead of getting angry and worked up; bitter and irritable,  take these steps when your boyfriend hurts you.  

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