Hardcore truth : why no one supports you

by - Monday, November 20, 2017


I was going through my Facebook feed last week and I stumbled on a rant. I have been seeing different types of it in different forms all from different people and they are all asking - why don't people support me like they should? Why do people go on to enable, praise and lift the big guys, the ones that obviously need no lifting, these ones who are already made and they leave their folks who really need help?

For entrepreneurs, this is a more relatable subject. I mean, you struggle so hard to be seen and heard. You struggle to make a distinction among the pack. You aren't the only one who's got excellent packaging, or a nice story behind your brand. There are so many other people who are doing excellently well. You therefore need a push, more help, more people to come on board and support you and be really there.



Instead of whining and complaining, are you asking the right questions? Why aren't people supporting me? Why aren't people there like they should? Are you asking these questions objectively? I have three points I want you to consider if you are in these shoes. Three things I want you to ponder on. Three questions I want you to ask yourself if you are tired of the no support. Here are reasons why no one supports you.

You don't support other people


Remember that I said that this is going to be hardcore because until someone steps up to help you see what you should see, you are going to be on the same spot, complaining and still not moving forward. If you don't support other people, they won't support you.

Human beings that we are, we are naturally selfish. We like to be at the center of it all, we want to be praised and respected. If you are not appealing to that side of them, commending them, supporting them, they may not support you.

You expect people to share your Facebook posts, you don't share theirs, like their posts or pass comments. You don't interact with people on social media, and you expect them to interact with you? No, it doesn't work like that. You can't just put up a picture on Instagram and feel entitled because it's a very nice picture and you should be praised. Be appreciative of other people if you want to be appreciated.

When you support someone, they note it, people around them also note it. They tell someone about how much you have been good to them. Don't worry that you are preparing the ground for the rainy day. If they don't step up for you in return of the support you have offered in times past, others will. So, support other people, lift them up in your own capacity and then watch people lift you up too.


You don't ask


I know that you expect people to automatically see your needs. They are obvious, glaring and staring at them in the face. I agree. Do you however know that even though you are staring at something, your brain is not picking up what it should. For example, you can be staring at a beautiful piece of art on the floor. Common sense should tell you to pick it up if it is in an inappropriate place but the beauty of this art has got you mesmerized and transported you into a different world entirely, so much that you can't even pick up the instinct to treat it right.

This is what happens in so many other instances. People see you, they appreciate your work, they like what you do but until you ask for specific favors, they may not know that you need help. They may not know where and how to help you even if they sense the need.

So, ask. Ask that your friends help you share a post on their feeds. Ask family to help you pick up some of your production materials. Ask a friend who spends every waking moment on Instagram, if they can handle your business account. They only have to add it to their Instagram app and that's all. They shuttle in between theirs and yours and really, it's not too much of trouble for them, it is more fun.

There was a time I asked my mum to help me to do a certain thing as regards my blogging. She has ever since then been asking of other ways she can help. I couldn't help but smile when she asked if she could start sharing my blog posts on Facebook. My laughter reminded her of a dead Facebook account whose password nobody knows.

I have seen professional, established and successful Bloggers 'beg' blog readers to share their blog posts. A Blogger friend of mine complained to me, she was pissed that people pass comments on the blog posts she shares on Facebook. They don't do same on the blog posts themselves. I asked her if she has asked. You have to ask people to comment on your blog posts instead. I once had to chat up people who commented on a Facebook post one by one. I asked for reasons why they were not commenting on my blog. I genuinely wanted to know why. Some said it was difficult to, others just didn't see the need. I had to ask the later to help comment on the blog instead.

So, ask people for support in your business, your ministry, everywhere you know they can.

You are not worth the trouble


This is hard to say but say, I must. Listen, sometimes you do nothing and people just rise up to help you. Have you seen and heard of people who were discovered and helped? They did nothing but help and support just arose.

These people were worth the trouble. Why? They were exceptional, excellent at what they were doing. They were passionate and intentional. They put in the work to deliver quality and impact people meaningfully. These people have purposed to touch lives with their gifts. They perfected the art of their service and delivered the best.

Soon, people could not help but notice them. They just had to be supported. Are you worth the time and energy? Are you worthy of support? Before you complain about people not supporting you, would you support anyone doing what you are doing?

Ask yourself these questions. Ponder on them. Let me know what you think in the comments section.

Related : what if my family does not support my goals and dreams? 

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15 comments

  1. Thanks for this piece, Esther. Pride, I think, is the reason I don't do the second one. But maybe I need to have a change of mind. Thanks.
    Tayo Fasuan

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    1. In getting to where we want to, Tayo, we will sometimes drop our pride. And really, there is nothing to be ashamed of in asking for help.

      An Instagram user once asked an 'Instagram celebrity' why she includes hashtags in her posts. She said that it is like begging for 'likes'. She replied, 'I am actually begging for likes'. That's another angle.

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  2. Hello, Esther this is an interesting article. Thank you for taking time to put this together. However, I do have a question.
    I have a friend, he's probably like my best and closest friend, there's almost no phase of my business he doesn't know about. I always carry him along and sometimes ask for his candid opinions.
    He encourages me and wants me that succeed but apart from that, he doesn't go out of his way to support me in any other aspect, take for instance, social media shares.
    I have asked him a couple of times to help me share them and he does, however, if I don't ask he doesn't bother to.
    I for one will support him in anything he does and he anyway and he knows it.
    Do you think I should still be telling him to help share some obvious things, (like I'm not even asking him to share all the time, but there are times I embark on new projects) even though he is aware of these projects?

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    1. Dear Ayodeji, here is what I think.

      In our relationships with people, we tend to compare a lot. We compare the kind of support we get from A to the kind of support we get from B and I think it's not fair.

      As individuals, we have different capacities to show love and support. If he supports you by encouraging you and being there to give you honest opinions, graciously enjoy that type of support.

      If you however need a kind of support that he can't offer willingly, ask him, keep asking. Otherwise, leave him and enjoy the way he shows his love.

      There are other friends that will bring other types of support to the table, enjoy theirs too.

      Don't be surprised that you might later learn that he doesn't think much of social media sharing or the other types of support you would really love. We are all so wired differently. Don't also be surprised that he might need a different kind of support from you too (even though you go all out for him). I am telling you. That's why communication is important in all types of relationships.

      Cheers.

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  3. Thanks babe for this insightful post.
    I've enjoyed lots of support from folks just by being supportive. And the thing is, most of the folks who support me do so out of observing the way I stick out my neck for people. I have come to understand that life mustn't revolve around us. We mustn't just be grateful when people are succeeding, we must seek out ways we could be a part of their success stories. And this shouldn't be to grab some bragging right; we should do it for the joys of just being there for our folks.

    And yeah, why should we allow pride get in the way of our success? These days I tell my friends to read and share my blog posts on every platform they belong. They are always glad to, expanding my reach beyond my little niche of audience.

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    1. Exactly Temi. Thank you for sharing your thoughts about this. I gained a few things.

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  4. Lovely piece, Esther. As for the second one, it used to happen to my blog, and it still does, but lesser than it used to be. Not only on facebook, twitter too. Whenever I share my blog posts on this social media platforms, my friends, and their friends, that care to check it out always read my posts, and give me their comments as an inbox. Your friend that said they pass comment at her post on facebook is even lucky. I guess I asked why, and I got the funniest answer. Most of them said they had thought I wanted them to review and rate my blog posts. Well, I wouldn't say I didn't want them to. That wasn't my primary goal. And it wasn't until I made sure they knew that that I started to get a positive change. One other thing I've learnt is that I thank my readers on facebook occasionally, in posts and private messages. It helps and matters a lot.
    Thanks for this piece!
    I really enjoyed reading it.

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    1. Thank you, Obinna for sharing your own personal experience with blogging support.

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  5. You are very right. Most people don't get help because they don't ask. Most people think asking for help might be a form of disturbance to the person been asked but it's not always true. It's better to ask and get a "No" than die in silence.
    Nice one

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    1. Yes, Chioma. I even just realized now that it is not only pride but fear of coming off as a pest. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

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  6. Good and true piece. The quality of your writing technique is admirable.

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  7. Hmm, inspiring piece there Esther. More of ur friend on facebook and now my first time on ur Blog. 'Clapsformyself'.... oh well I need help in so many areas Esther, and I use this simple Godly and Biblical principle (sorry not being religious o) give and it shall be given unto u.., I try as much as it's within my capacity to render that help I can to those who need it and can't get it... and Bet me Esther, I gain it in returns via other means of my needs too through some other people or avenues.... Keep the good job on Esther...

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    1. Yaaaaaaaay. I am happy you made it to my blog. I hope you bookmark it though and subscribe. Please.

      Exactly. When you give, you get back even in some unexpected ways. When you support other people, you get support too.

      Thanks for stopping by.

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